Heart of Steel
by SerenityEternal
Summary: ONESHOT. Contains spoilers from Ep. III. KOSMOS reflects on herself and what it is to be the vessel of Mary Magdalene. light cxKM interaction. slightly AU.


If you have not played XS III this story contains spoilers...so I warn you now.

This is before the ending, where everything occurs, and the group is split apart.

I may continue this sometime in the future, we'll see.

**Disclaimer** provided by Jr.: Serenity does not and never will own Xenosaga. Though she wishes from the bottom of her heart she did.

OneShot - Heart of Steel

There was no question as to why she was created, and for what reasons, yet as logical as it sounded, KOS-MOS could not help but question herself.

"Why was I created? And I why am I even asking myself something so illogical. It is not in my program to ask questions, I was programmed to obey, and to protect, as well as to carry out my mission."

The silent blue haired beauty glanced up and watched as the Stars glistening out in space shined, as if in answer to her inner turmoil. She was a machine, pure and simple, built to follow orders, destroy the gnosis, and protect Shion.

Yet there was something inside of her, a feeling as one would call it that made her question her priorities. If she hadn't been created for the reasons she had stated, or to hold Mary's will within herself, would she have ever been created?

She felt something, like a searing pain where her heart would be if she had one, yet she couldn't describe the feeling, or why she even felt it in the first place. There was no reason for her to feel pain, her body consisted of circuits instead of blood, where her heart should have been sat her black box.

And instead of blood flowing within her body, electricity coursed through instead. All this defied all her thought of her ever being a human, or even coming close to being one.

She had been created instead based on Mary's look, yet her hair was blue instead of a dark brown, and her eyes were red instead of blue. She was a machine, a machine created for destruction or protection.

Without realizing it, KOS-MOS sighed, and gazed out the glass window at the silent world before her. An endless stream of darkness, and light, silence, and order.

"I still for known reasons wish to know why I was chosen. I am the opposite of you Mary, I am something which does not agree with your state, or personality, yet you chose me over T-elos, is there a reason for that choice?"

"_There is."_ KOS-MOS glanced up, yet found no one but herself in the room. She scanned the room to be sure, and found she was alone, yet she could not mistake the voice she heard.

"It is possible I am malfunctioning, I will see if Shion can scan my body to see if she can find a bug or why I am hearing a voice."

"_You're not malfunctioning KOS-MOS. I'm right here."_ A white light engulfed the room KOS-MOS was standing in and she watched as the figure of a young woman stood before her.

Mary. She had appeared before her in person. KOS-MOS scanned the room and found that her sensor still picked up nothing. It seemed as if the apparition standing before her was a nothing but a hallow light, yet that same figure smiled at her sincerely.

"_KOS-MOS, you question yourself, you who is a machine and believe firmly that you are nothing more than that, try to deny the truth. Please KOS-MOS..."_

KOS-MOS gazed at the young woman before her silently, and tried to figure out an answer.

"Why do you say that I deny the truth. But isn't the truth that I was built merely just to be a vessel for your will? What is it that I am denying Mary Magdalene?"

"_You're wrong." _the apparition shook her head sadly.

"_You are my reincarnation for this generation. You are me, yet you are not me. You are KOS-MOS and you are also Mary. We exist as one, yet we are different."_

"What you are saying sounds quite illogical. Yet I, for some reason feel as if I understand what you are saying. Why is that?"

"_You are KOS-MOS, and I am Mary, yet you are me and I am you. We are one soul split into 2 wills. To hide the pain, to shed away the will of feeling human, you made yourself unable to feel, you tore yourself from the pain, and in the process sealed your heart." _Mary gazed at KOS-MOS as she said this.

"_We are one. Just...two wills split from the anguish and pain of losing a friend, a lover. You sealed your heart away and wished for your emotions to die. You wished for a body that could not feel, so you wouldn't have to go through the pain of loss again. To never feel, to never touch, to drift away, a machine, a broken angel."_

Mary gazed sadly at KOS-MOS, and walked forward softly.

"_You were not chosen by me, you are me. Please Remember, remember your true self, and awaken, so you can follow your heart this time, and maybe just maybe seek peace a final time."_

KOS-MOS unaware that she had been listening to Mary intently, gasped quietly as she felt a warm hand on her cheek. Mary glanced at her lovingly, and slowly wiped the tears that KOS-MOS had shed away.

KOS-MOS was surprised. She brought her hand up and felt her cheek, it was warm, and wet, as if she had been crying for a while.

"I... am Mary Magdalene." She whispered silently, and gazed up as If to confirm what she said. She watched as Mary nodded at her silently, and then proceeded closer toward her. She stood there silently as Mary's aura disappeared inside of her, and then, as if a door opening before her eyes, she felt her memories come back, her reason for living, for feeling, for questioning. Her existence was important, and not because she was Mary Magdalene, but because she had a mission. And that mission was to protect someone who was precious to her. Someone who she'd failed to protect before.

This time she would make sure that person was still alive at the end. Even if she would leave her, She would feel a sense of comfort in the fact that she had saved her precious friend.

KOS-MOS closed her eyes and leaned her head against the glass, she inhaled slowly, thought about what Mary had said.

She didn't realize that she was being watched, and when she finally noticed she didn't realize that he had managed to stand right next to her without being sensed by her scanner.

She turned towards the young man, and found him gazing at her gently. He smiled softly, and quietly spoke to her.

"KOS-MOS, what are you doing up here?" chaos stared at her curiously, and waited patiently for her to give him an answer.

"I...am just checking the ship." chaos smiled gently and looked at the blue haired beauty before him.

He knew quite well that soon everything would come together, and yet he was glad that he managed to spend some time near her. Even if they never spoke outright to each other, chaos felt a sense of comfort.

He knew that was not because of her real self either. As Mary Magdalene, but instead he saw her as KOS-MOS, the beautiful blue haired android, who was quiet, and remained stoic, and cold at most times.

"I see. Is there anything wrong?" chaos asked her gently.

"No. Everything is fine, now if you will excuse me, I need to go back to the professor's lab and recharge." With that she walked off, and left the room.

Chaos gazed after her retreating figure, and smiled thinking of how much he loved her, and the last thing she had just said, she had spoken softly.

"It seems you're finally beginning to understand, and hopefully you can give yourself some peace when all this ends. And I promise, this time I will stay by you, and protect you."

"KOS-MOS."

the end...for now anyway.

I apologize for it being slightly weird, and possibly ooc, but from lack of sleep, and rest I was writing this half awake...sorry!!!

I wanted to portray KOS-MOS as slightly more human then her usual self in episode I and II... in all honesty, Episode III was the most gorgeous, her personality blew me away. She was absolutely beautiful, and soft spoken.

As for the whole Mary/KOS-MOS thing, I tried to portray it as I saw it...which is 2 really being one.

Anyway till next time!


End file.
